I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
