i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The feeling are messing with the penis
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
