1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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