I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
