C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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