you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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