i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
