The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
