I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
