i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
