reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
