don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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