I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
