i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize