Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found the puke drawer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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