Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
