He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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