Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.