So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Found your bra
Hanging in the tree