Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life