We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.