why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO