i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.