So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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