didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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