I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
