dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.