My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.