Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.