the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.