my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.