Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.