Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.