i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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