just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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