ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
