the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
