my room smells like sperm. sweet.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
