He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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