It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
