Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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