Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways