im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp