Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
