VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
