why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize