think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
