You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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