My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
