remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
