anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
