I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
