My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
