Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
