I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
