70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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