i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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