Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
