i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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