So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
