God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
