SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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