Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
