idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
