i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
