If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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