He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
