Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
