you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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