Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
