my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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