I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
