i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
