Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
