I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
